Band yesterday. It was okay I guess... Mr wong came this time round. I kinda screwed my parts and he said I did not do my homework so be it. Besides, nobody's perfect. If he feel or thinks that way, so be it. I'll not argue or try to defend myself. I learned that it is of no use. So what if i argued? Whats the prize? Whats the point? Attention? To feel better? To "win" in a sense? Its not that you should not fight for your right or something but just to avoid an argument/debate. Cos besides, I'm really sick of it. Anyway, whatever he says or points out, I take it as a learning point, a stepping stone rather than an criticism or any hard feeling. That to me, is the way for improving. I still think he's a great conductor no matter what.
Sectional lunch at Tiong. Ate at long john silver, everyone shared and we talk about some personal stuff. Its like totally cool to do that as a section. Cos I get to understand them even more and we like sort of bond closer unknowingly. These things just happen in time which is a good thing (:
Some people just don't have a mind of their own. I know its not easy to stand up to who you call "close friends" or "clique". And the disease is called : " INFLUENCE ". Yes. Its the most infectious disease that will either change you good / bad. Often you change without knowing that you did. But when people who you don't associate with or who was once in your group of close friend or clique see the drastic change, mind you, they still want to care. And it really hurt and worry them to see you like this. Its like a totally new you.
Having a leadership role doesn't mean that you have to change. You can still be a good or maybe a even better leader just by being yourself and not straying from your vision,to be who you really are deep inside. I believe that no one was born to be bad, to commit crimes or to do evil. So why not let that beautiful spark in you glow out bright and focus on what talents and achivement you can achieve without hurting anyone? You don't have to be perfect nor do you need to be the best in everything. As long as you did/tried your best in the things you do, it will be more than enough. I feel that you have become very materialistic. And some just follow blindly. Like monkey see , monkey do. I tried my best and I'm leaving up to you. Like they say you can bring a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink the water. Its up to you cos I'm through and I'm washing my hands off. Its not like i have to help in the first place but at least i know i tried and will have no regrets.
Being forgottened, ignored, blamed/accussed, gossiped by are called little stuff to me. Not that I'm all great or anything but I've been through it too much that it becomes numb. I've little feelings after being letdown-ed, betrayed numerous of times. I admit it still hurts at time espically when certain people does it. People who i thought will never do it. So I only use the word 'trust' when I feel that person can really be trusted. So when people/ friends tell me to trust them or they promise, I always ask them, are you sure? Trust and promise are words that means and says a million things to me. And it seems that not many really understand that.
Its a long post so i shall end here.
You tried all ways to make me jealous
you tried all ways to make me quit
you are nothing like a "leader"
with no compassion nor feeling
nothing you do shall be appriciated
but i'll still thank you
thank you for letting me
see how cruel life can be...
