It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts i will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
When I go downI go down hard
And i take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disreguard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm *so* ready to be found
I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find *an* end *to* this
And i just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not that way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathatic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again
And yea, read between the lines of the song, find the meaning to it, and if you will, try to feel what i am feeling. I'm tired yea, who isn't ? but some things i have keeps me going on like the limosine needs gasoline.
I'm feeling depressed though i still carry a smile on my face wherever i go, well, most of the times. I like this phrase i came across:" some people build up walls around them to keep people out, but some people build up walls to see who cares to break it down" It means so much more than just the words if you can think of it from my point of view. I can't believe why i'm so dumb, not even being able to score full marks for my Bio exam, and to make things worst, i think i might fail chem and to add on, I'm taking combine science. Meaning that both my chem and Bio marks will be added and there of, divided to give me my marks. I'm dead meat. Maths is killing my like a blade that has been slashed on the vessels on my throat. I got practically the lowest thing on earth, not literally but yea. Why am I so dumb so as to get even that grade? I tried so hard to understand, I thought I've nailed it. But guess what? I was wrong. Perhaps I've been wrong all the while. Perhaps the things I've done, or I've been trying to do is all for nothing. Should I stop? Should I move on? should I's lists will continue...I don't need anything but answers right now. Answers that perhaps only I can answer it myself. I need to think and maybe its a good thing cos' i like to think. Well, most of the time that is unless under special circumstances....
Studies aside, dad is allowing me or should i say encouraging me to take up archery again! I'm soo happy!! And for the first ime, my sis also agree to let me take it up too! Well, cos they think I have the talent for archery cos they remembered on my very first archery match, I like ust got my bow and arrows and all and i like did not even like practice and could still imerge as the top 3 for the all catogaries in which i took part in and for the competitions which i've participated thereafter. I guess, it was basically and mostly because of which I had a super duper cool and fun coach. And yea, I only drop out of archery because of my SYF for band this year... Sad i think but I've always known that music is everything. Its the passion! but i also realised upon reflecting that I can have passion for more than one thing sso I am going to persue both interest i guess? Oh, did I mention my sister is willing to sponser me 200 bucks either for the buying of equipment or for the lesson fees and the rest will be sponsered by my dad and i'll only be left to pay for my competition fees.....
Well, hope everything goes well and I can't wait to start shooting!! well, thats all for now, bye~